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The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby sharpey » 08 Jul 2014, 15:29

Brilliant... Tears of laughter....


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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby PJ_coursefishing » 13 Jul 2014, 10:46

IT's MY EYES

A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today

The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."

"What's wrong with your eyes?" his boss asks.

"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..." :fishing:

Forced to work - Love to fish :cheer:
Fishing and nature go hand in hand there is so much to see and enjoy. Catching fish is a bonus.
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby Pike » 31 Jul 2014, 17:22

Newbie here, after reading through pages and pages of jokes, I'm gonna have a go :nonono: :nonono:
My misuses asked me for £2500 the other day. "What for I replied?" I'm getting a boob job she explained.. "Your not having £2500 for a boob job....... No way" she said I'm sick of my boobs, I want bigger ones!!! Fine I said, twice a day fold some toilet paper up and rub it between your boobs. That won't work she said
Of course it will........have you seen your arse
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The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby sharpey » 31 Jul 2014, 19:15

I like jokes. I like telling jokes, I did my first stand up gig last night at the local old folks home? They didn't get the jokes but they all pi$$ed themselves.....
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby PJ_coursefishing » 31 Jul 2014, 19:36

I saw a guy fishing the other day and I asked him, "Have you caught anything?" :blah:
(Not a sea bass joke :banghead:)

He said, "Yes I've caught loads today." :thumb:

"Using maggots, are you?" ???

"No, liquorice." :crazy:

"What have you caught with that?" :huan kerr:

"All sorts," he said. :lmao:
Fishing and nature go hand in hand there is so much to see and enjoy. Catching fish is a bonus.
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby Eddy » 12 Aug 2014, 20:10

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .. .."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. 
"s**t!" said the Hypnotist. 

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre. Claude was never invited back. 
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby grandadruss » 11 Sep 2014, 17:25

Just got a job in a factory making chess pieces.
Moneys okay.....I'm on knights this week :yeah2:
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby grandadruss » 11 Sep 2014, 17:26

Eddy wrote:It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .. .."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. 
"s**t!" said the Hypnotist. 

It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre. Claude was never invited back. 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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russ expose

Postby grumpyppops1 » 24 Oct 2014, 07:17

FB_20141023_19_09_02_Saved_Picture.jpg
FB_20141023_19_09_02_Saved_Picture.jpg (187.57 KiB) Viewed 599 times
Saw your avatar ,thought this one was a bit more appropriate
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Re: The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

Postby bonetoast novice » 24 Oct 2014, 08:37

I'm on my way to poundstretchers right now :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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