The joke thread **WARNING** contains Adult humour

[Paul]

The Big black guy and the Irishman.

Skinny little Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE
black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and
says, "7 feet tall 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles,
Turner Brown."

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says,
'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I'm 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds
each and my name is Turner Brown."

The little white Irishman says:

"Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn around!"

[TerryG]

[Padsta Tel]

my mrs asked if she pleased me in bed ? i said :yes, i love that trick you do with your mouth : what trick she asked , the one where you shut it and go to sleep.

[The dogwokker]

Was sitting next to an asian lady on the bus the other day and as i looked across at her i noticed she had closed her eyes and stopped breathing!! Naturally i thought she had died there and then, till i noticed a red dot on her forehead and reallised she was only on standby.

[Rushy]

My wife bought some jeggings.

I said, "What are they then?".

She said, "They're a cross between jeans and leggings".

I said, "Oh right, well get your farse in the kitchen and make me a sandwich

[rains]

[grinch66]

I had a dream last night that i was sent to hell..After only a day in the stinking hot torturous s**t hole i begged lucifer to release me.
He said to me that the only way i could ever leave was to have 24 hours of sex with the most gruesome looking woman he could find.
Desperate to leave i agreed to do this and was soon being lead to a cell where the most disgusting looking woman i had ever set my eyes on laid there spread eagle beckoning me..She was awfull,,at least twenty stone,with ginger hair,,green teeth,,hairy breasts,,boils,spots,warts and between her legs there was what i could only describe as looking like an axe wound in an orangutans back.
I did it though,,took it like a man,,she sat on my face,,rode me like a sumo on a rescue horse and did things that would even make the most sexually depraved vomit.For 24 hellish hours i endured that s**t,but i did it and was soon being lead out of the cell on my way to heaven.
As i was being lead by the devil himself down the corridor i happened to glance into another cell where i was shocked to see Rushy bouncing up and down on the most stunning woman i had ever seen,annoyed,i turned to lucifer and asked "how come he gets to shag a fit bird"?
he replied "some of the women want to get out of here as well you know"

[TerryG]

[Paul]

Nice one Grinchy

[daz blackpool]

Old lady in a lift in a shopping mall when two footballers wives enter, the door closes & one wife raises her wrist to the other wife and says "chanel no 5 , 35 pound, selfridges" the other wife does same and says" gucci 65 pounds, harrods" the old lady lifts one leg rips a fart & says "sprouts 99p asda"